Charn -- 617/3/28 aka August 5th, 2009

[Van]

Okay, I just HAD to share with everyone this IM exchange I had with a co-worker this afternoon (I work at VMware, a software company). I just love this lady, Nadine. Maybe it's not that funny, but it was to me at the time, especially my attempt to relate D&D to work. Enjoy!


(12:26:24 PM) Van Green: I can't wait till this day is over and I can go play D&D. I sooo need a healthy dose of fantasy right now.

(12:26:46 PM) Nadine White: what is D&D

(12:26:50 PM) Van Green: Dungeons & Dragons

(12:26:53 PM) Nadine White: aj

(12:26:54 PM) Nadine White: ah

(12:28:40 PM) Van Green: So in tonight's D&D game, we have to fly up to a floating ship crawling with demons in order to rescue a bunch of villagers who are about to be sacrificed.

(12:29:28 PM) Van Green: One of my characters nearly got killed in last week's game.

(12:29:38 PM) Van Green: His flaming robes saved his life.

(12:29:50 PM) Van Green: And no, I don't care that you don't care. LOL

(12:29:55 PM) Nadine White: wow...

(12:30:00 PM) Nadine White: hehe

(12:30:10 PM) Nadine White: good fantasy world

(12:30:30 PM) Van Green: Yeah, it can be a little stressful during the game sometimes, though.

(12:30:34 PM) Van Green: But it's fun

(12:30:59 PM) Van Green: My two characters have each died and been raised from the dead at least once.

(12:31:00 PM) Nadine White: different kind of stress

(12:31:15 PM) Nadine White: nice...reincarnation

(12:31:16 PM) Van Green: They're now getting rather powerful and harder to kill, but we've had a lot of close calls.

(12:31:51 PM) Nadine White: came back with more power...nice

(12:32:21 PM) Van Green: Raising from the dead didn't give them more power. They've just increased in experience and gained higher levels since then.

(12:33:26 PM) Nadine White: cool

(12:34:10 PM) Van Green: So on this campaign that's running now, our party is on an alien world that we entered by way of a magical portal. We need to close off the portal to prevent undead creatures from this world entering our own. In order to do so, we need to find a powerful person on this world and use their life's blood on an amulet, which will seal the portal.

(12:34:44 PM) Van Green: This world has been absolutely ruined by a very powerful witch, named Sidra. We're fighting our way to get to her so we can kill her and use her blood to seal the portal.

Note: The "portals" Nadine and I refer to below are the online portals that our customers use to access their VMware software licenses.

(12:35:44 PM) Nadine White: you are talking about the cloud portal, right ?:-)

(12:35:54 PM) Van Green: Oh, you just ruined it

(12:35:55 PM) Van Green: LOL

(12:36:08 PM) Van Green: Okay, I'm done talking D&D. I got my fix. LOL

(12:36:09 PM) Nadine White: okay the VI3 portal then

(12:36:10 PM) Van Green: Till tonight

(12:36:24 PM) Van Green: Stupid portals

(12:36:37 PM) Nadine White: right...no one can escape.

(12:37:51 PM) Van Green: Maybe we need to kill the creators of our portals here and use their blood to shut them all down and start over?

(12:37:58 PM) Van Green: LOL

(12:38:01 PM) Van Green: Muwahahaha!

(12:38:11 PM) Van Green: Death to all bad software designers!!

(12:38:36 PM) Nadine White: sounds good...so how will it be done then?

(12:40:55 PM) Van Green: First, we'll need to devise an amulet that will shut them all down and instantaneously bring them back up in perfected condition when the portal designers' blood is applied to it.

(12:41:03 PM) Van Green: Then, we just have to find out who the designers are

(12:41:25 PM) Van Green: Then we fight all the mindless, undead cretins that work around them in order to get to them.

(12:42:07 PM) Van Green: We threaten them with paper cuts and staple piercings in order to get them into chairs, which we will then strap them into so they can't escape.

(12:42:38 PM) Nadine White: oh...we need to strip them of all their coding capabilities...

(12:42:46 PM) Van Green: Then we take the amulet to each one in turn, pricking their fingers to let a drop of blood onto the amulet.

(12:43:07 PM) Van Green: And then all is good

(12:43:15 PM) Nadine White: and the is no GO TO loops for them

(12:43:26 PM) Van Green: We'll have to deal with all the legal aftermath, of course

(12:43:44 PM) Nadine White: right

(12:44:11 PM) Van Green: Cuz Im sure they'll press charges for breaking and entering, assualt with semi-painful weapons, kidnapping and coercion.

(12:44:40 PM) Nadine White: yes...we'll have our legal crew waiting

(12:45:44 PM) Van Green: It'll be a great adventure, worthy of songs and blog posts.

(12:45:54 PM) Nadine White: yeah

[David]

Silly, Van! Everyone KNOWS that you'll have to kill the lawyers too....!

After all....

...wait for it...

...everyone KNOWS...

...that lawyers....

....are really...

...blood-sucking vampires!

[David]

Oh yeah, and back to my posts...8-P

Ray, Ichi is welcome to fly from Tovag Baragu to Greyhawk on his broom. I believe he "only" has about 2000 miles to cover while sitting balanced with a piece of wood jammed in his ass crack and crossing two or three major mountain ranges (complete with dragons and giants! I know how cranky *I* get in a comfy car with music and munchies driving to LA in six hours). Such a journey would be rather dangerous, even for an 8th level monk!

I think we're going to have to beg Black Robe for some mercy, here. And, really, that should be expensive (how does it feel to be the one ordering around PCs, Ray? -- on the bright side, however, since our party "cleared" Pommeville, there really haven't been many problems of undead journeying to Oerth from Charn via the portal at Tovag Baragu. That's not to say that Vertigo hasn't been a fantastic bitch, sending all sorts of spawn unseen-since-prehistory to torment Black Robe and anyone of his (too foolish to get out of it) allies. 8-P

Remember, Black Robe hasn't seen his wife or child for at LEAST a year or more -- he's been too busy guarding the various stone arches of Tovag Baragu. While that's nothing to a piece of paper, I think we should imagine what it would be like to be effectively imprisoned (yes, outdoors, but cut off from those we love and the liberty to move) for a full turn of a year in a desolate steppe/plain, near a salt-lake (I mean, I used to spend summers in Utah and that could be quite yucky! .

Which leads me to a possible "condition" of Black Robe giving Ichi a break. He demands an additional service once the party returns from Charn. Now, siccing this bunch on Vertigo might be way beyond their power level, but organizing a second strike force to "distract her" while Black Robe assembles a "real party" to deal with primordeal goddess could make a LOT of sense. Once Tovag Baragu is "quiet", Oerth's greatest shaman can go back to having a life -- seriously, he's missed almost the entirety of his son's baby- and early-childhood (first he was lost on the Ethereal, then stuck on Eon, then went after Vertigo, then pulled into protecting Tovag Baragu!).

Naturally, such a mission would have to wait until Charn has been dealt with....

...Which leads me to the other stuff I was going to post, mostly to Van, but also Eric...

The refugee village is in chaos. People are scattered and screaming all across the lands and into the corn fields. There are probably one or two vrocks still swooping around, not having noticed that BOTH balrogs are dead (Torr mumbles, "two down, twenty-two to go..." while glancing at his holy sword). Meanwhile, Maedhros SAW several flying off to the ship and several more land before he was knocked out. That means there could easily be more than a dozen INNOCENT, HELPLESS souls trapped on the skyship...and we KNOW there are loads of shadows left plus whatever Zurath pulled together!

I would think anyone with an alignment of CG (values love, life, and freedom above all else, buys into "the needs of the one outway the needs of the many", idealized Greek behavior) should be DASHING HEADLONG toward the ship in order to save the lives (and souls!) of these people.

While someone lawful can "weigh" the cost in the balance, anyone with a particularly (*ahem* paladin-like) sense of good would also "damn the consequences" and rush to save the refugees. What would Superman do? Or TV show Batman? (Yes, the comic-version would shrug and come up with a fantastic plan even if it took lots of time, but that's why I asked for the über-good reaction of the TV version!)

Logisitically, most of the victims were taken up to the ship several minutes ago. But, vrocks, especially laden with passengers, can't fly as quickly as brooms! The heroes may be able to intercept the later-departing demons...

As for methods, well, Torr can air-walk NOT levitate. As a result, he cannot "float" behind. Instead, basically, wherever he steps becomes "firm footing" even if it is in the air. But the power doesn't work if he's not "walking"; he can't sky-surf. 8-(

On the bright side, however, Yavin's innate abilities come into play here. First, he CAN levitate once per day up to 800lbs of people. Similarly, he can feather fall as a first level spell AND innate ability -- and that spell is good for 1800lbs for almost a minute and a half (2nd Ed rules are 1 rnd/lvl duration!). So long as we gather everyone into a small area and hold hands (within 10' cube) this could be used as an emergency escape and with help from the broom, Torr, etc, we should be able to save dozen or more people easy.

[Van]

Well, I haven't had any problems with the variety of undead known as lawyers at this company, though I'm certain I'd come to the same conclusion as you if I had to deal with them. But the developers of our portals are just plain evil! Our poor customers.

[Van]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but haven't we had Torr get towed along behind the broom before? I could swear we had.

[David]

Well, for ways to bind them, most programmers I know have no power over what they don't understand...artistic or stylistic concerns, poetry, concise clear English prose, languages other than English or their native one, cultural biases other than their own, illogial assumptions, fashion magazines, feminine hygine products, and (at least in my case) the phrase "you cannot _____"

[David]

You're corrected.

Seriously, go back and check the logs. Unless he already got a levitate or fly, Torr is as much dead-weight as anyone else. I do believe he's been towed, but under the effects of such a spell. Remember, that's why he wanted the falcon cloak so much...!

[Van]

Okay, it's coming back to me now. Torr got towed, not because it was an effective way to get him to the ship, but because he moves so slowly under a fly spell. Drat! That means we'll have to use a fly or a levitate on him.